Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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