I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
