I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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