he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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