Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
