My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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