I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
