OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
