we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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