Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
