just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
