what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
