so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
