i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
