I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
