puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
