You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
