Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
