i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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