is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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