First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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