just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
