I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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