Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
