I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
