I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
