She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
