I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
