Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
