i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
