I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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