I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My penis needs a shock collar
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
