Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
