You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
