someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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