I can feel you judging me through the phone.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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