Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just puked most of my soul out..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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