I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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