do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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