yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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