Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
