If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
