I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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