Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
