Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
