First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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