I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
