I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
