haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
