if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
