so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
