I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize