Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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