Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
