All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
