I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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