I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
