your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
