my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
