I CAN MOONWALK!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
