Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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