Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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