you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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