i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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