I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
