I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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