My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
